A Short Story

[Toccs]

Hi this is my first time on the forums and was wondering if you could help me, i am writing a short fantasy story to improve my grammer, spelling and overall english. You guys should like this kind of thing but all i need is maybe some hints and tips on grammer, rate the story if you must but it means little to me.

If any of you get some time it would be great.

Link is below.

http://www.mediafire.com/?22w2vtzdr0b

Thank you.

 

[Jelly]

If you're talking about yourself, always type "I" instead of "i".

 

[The Man In Black]

SEE THAT?!?! HE WANTS A GRAMMAR NAZI! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Unfortunately, I'm too busy to be able to do that for awhile ;-)

 

[CrazyMonkeyDude]

Do you want me to correct it, make sure the correction are visible, and send it back?

I'll take this for example:

...Wonderful creatures beyond count cover the land far and wide,
Man is one of such creatures, well not really creatures but civilised in comparison to them, Man has a curse you see and that is being far more open to corruption, by means of a desire for power and wealth...

That's a run-on sentence.

...Wonderful creatures beyond count cover the land far and wide.
Man is one of such creatures. Well, not really creatures but civilised in comparison to them. Man has a curse, you see, and that is being far more open to corruption, by means of a desire for power and wealth...

What helps is to read it out loud, and if you run out of breath before you've gotten to the end of a sentence, you've probobly got a run-on.

Also, this part can be put in parentheses like so:

(Well, not really creatures but civilised in comparison to them.)

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[Sabre]

I'll let the Man in Black cover the irony behind correcting grammar with bad grammar, and say that run-on sentences are not grammatically incorrect. However, in writing they can prove to make you sound rushed as if you were trying to write quickly and not give the reader adequate time to catch up while you continued rushing...Get the point? Use pause, but not too much.

 

[HomestarR]

WRONG

No no no no NO!

Commas do NOT equal pauses. Run-ons ARE poor grammar. Don't lie to yourself.

[lecture]
People who use commas simply as pauses run into the problem known as "comma splicing". That is probably the most common grammatical error I see on the net nowadays. You need to have a complete thought. Commas are used to combine two complete sentences into one by using a comma and conjunction. To make a "pause" you must make sure you have a complete sentence first. You can pause with a comma and conjunction combo, or you can use a semicolon.
[/lecture]

 

[Sabre]

I'll level with you and say commas are bad. I use semi-colons. But there are in fact instances where run-ons are grammatically correct. Good writing can convey an attitude by shelving those grammar books and being a bit unorothodox.

 

[The Man In Black]

Uh.. Commas aren't used for that only :roll:

John, the main character, had brown hair. Commas are better than parenthesis, and look more professional.

 

[HomestarR]

Uh.. Commas aren't used for that only :roll:

John, the main character, had brown hair. Commas are better than parenthesis, and look more professional.

That is correct also, but I was referring to the statement about pauses and run-ons.

Good writing can convey an attitude by shelving those grammar books and being a bit unorothodox.

True, but it also depends on what you are writing for. If this is for school it would be better to have proper grammar and not be unorthodox. I suppose you could explain to the instructor your purpose of artistically using a run-on. If you put it in quotations I suppose you could get away with it.

 

[Toccs]

If you get the time CrazyMonkeyDude
that would be great because i could compare between what is right and what is wrong and improve on it.

Thank you for your feedback and help everyone.

 

[Jelly]

If you get the time, CrazyMonkeyDude,
that would be great, because I could compare between what is right and what is wrong, and improve on it.

Thank you for your feedback and help everyone.

That's the mistakes I spotted. I bet someone like MiB is gonna add some more, seeing how he's better at English than me.

 

[Vlad]

WRONG

Watch any Lex Luthor You're the man now dogs lately?

 

[Mikkel]

If you get the time, CrazyMonkeyDude,
that would be great, because I could compare between what is right and what is wrong, and improve on it.

Thank you for your feedback and help everyone.

That's the mistakes I spotted. I bet someone like MiB is gonna add some more, seing how he's better at English than me.

Seeing

 

[The Man In Black]

Mikkel, you have no place attempting to be a grammar nazi.

 

[HomestarR]

Jelly, "because" isn't a conjunction, you just comma spliced.

 

[Mikkel]

Mikkel, you have no place attempting to be a grammar nazi.

Sorry!