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So like, it sucks being me, because as you probably know already I'm asthmatic (I've ranted about it in a few other rants, yah?) and this combined with the fact I'm allergic to every single type of pollen turns out to be pretty catastrophic. It's not like, puffed up face catastrophic, it's kind of sound-like-Darth-Vader and laugh-like-evil-mastermind catastrophic. Although some people would see that to be pretty cool. But when you run out of breath and descend into a coughing fit after 9 words it gets pretty fucking annoying, yah? Yah, totally. I do like cackling at people though. Just to see what faces they make. This was a brain vent.
Next point. What next point? Oh I don't know. Oh yes right, swine flu. So as you no doubt have heard, there's some shit involving sneezing that has been branded "swine flu" flying around our marble recently. However, what my country's experts seem to fail to see is that the strength of the epidemical virus over here is only marginally worse than normal influenza, but they're still getting people to scream "HOLY FUCK PUT HIM IN A GLASS BOX" whenever someone sneezes. So far, the death toll is about 82 over here, and this is months after it hit us. Most of these cases have been old people, people with HIV or babies, so what does that tell you? Normal, butt-dirt-common influenza kills more than that in a week. What people are failing to notice is the sudden rise in potency of the necrotising fasciitis bug. That shit killed a healthy man in four hours after he contracted it. I'd rather have a slight cough than die after being eaten into primordial soup by... that. Yah?
Since you're all such avid readers, have a bonus paragraph! Like holy shit! I don't usually do this so you're lucky, right? Yeah something like that. So basically, it's beginning to get preettttttyy damn cold over here. But due to some hereditary thing I don't end up feeling the cold, so I end up parading round in a polo shirt while everyone freezes their butts off in the "cold". Bunch of wimps if you ask me. If I was president, I'd have weekly worldwide freeze days, where we install freezing rays onto satellites and point them randomly at countries to get them used to the cold. You know, I just thought. That sounds like something Robot Hitler would do. Who knows?
So yeah, like, if I ruled the world, I'd give everyone the location and the right to burn down the homes of the swine flu conspiracy theorists just so we can all get a little bit of mothertrucking peace and quiet, yus? Yeah I think that would work. I'd also make pollen illegal. Build massive prisons for pollen that have broken the law. Build tiny guillotines to behead pollen that refuses to be reformed. It would be glorious.
If you were affected by any of the issues raised by this program, please call 0800-YOU-IDIOT. Alternatively you can post in this thread.
Next point. What next point? Oh I don't know. Oh yes right, swine flu. So as you no doubt have heard, there's some shit involving sneezing that has been branded "swine flu" flying around our marble recently. However, what my country's experts seem to fail to see is that the strength of the epidemical virus over here is only marginally worse than normal influenza, but they're still getting people to scream "HOLY FUCK PUT HIM IN A GLASS BOX" whenever someone sneezes. So far, the death toll is about 82 over here, and this is months after it hit us. Most of these cases have been old people, people with HIV or babies, so what does that tell you? Normal, butt-dirt-common influenza kills more than that in a week. What people are failing to notice is the sudden rise in potency of the necrotising fasciitis bug. That shit killed a healthy man in four hours after he contracted it. I'd rather have a slight cough than die after being eaten into primordial soup by... that. Yah?
Since you're all such avid readers, have a bonus paragraph! Like holy shit! I don't usually do this so you're lucky, right? Yeah something like that. So basically, it's beginning to get preettttttyy damn cold over here. But due to some hereditary thing I don't end up feeling the cold, so I end up parading round in a polo shirt while everyone freezes their butts off in the "cold". Bunch of wimps if you ask me. If I was president, I'd have weekly worldwide freeze days, where we install freezing rays onto satellites and point them randomly at countries to get them used to the cold. You know, I just thought. That sounds like something Robot Hitler would do. Who knows?
So yeah, like, if I ruled the world, I'd give everyone the location and the right to burn down the homes of the swine flu conspiracy theorists just so we can all get a little bit of mothertrucking peace and quiet, yus? Yeah I think that would work. I'd also make pollen illegal. Build massive prisons for pollen that have broken the law. Build tiny guillotines to behead pollen that refuses to be reformed. It would be glorious.
If you were affected by any of the issues raised by this program, please call 0800-YOU-IDIOT. Alternatively you can post in this thread.
